I’ve been fairly introspective of late and am trying to figure out where I am and where I’m going.  That’s what lead me to thinking about rivers.

I’ve never had the opportunity to go on a river trip, but I’m determined to try it soon.  Will I go by canoe or inner tube?  Will I tempt fate on the white water rapids?  Or will I hop onto a riverboat cruise and leave the navigation to the pros?

Thinking about my current endeavors, I’m tempted initially by the riverboat cruise.  Just show up, find a seat, make some friends, and it’s auto pilot from there.  Of course, that means relinquishing all control and going wherever the riverboat captain decides, and it means no leaving the boat once it’s underway.  Plus, once you’ve toured the boat and met some people, what else is there except sitting and watching the world go by?

I’ve always wanted to try the rapids.  What an adrenalin rush!  The scenery is gorgeous, your life and the welfare of those in the raft are literally in your hands, and between moments of relative calm are times of terrifying uncertainty.  And when you arrive safely at the end, what a feeling of accomplishment and bonding with the other folks in the raft!  I think I’d enjoy that — once.  And with a trained guide.  And with others in the boat with more experience than I have on white water rapids.  And with a guarantee, like at an amusement park, that all of the times that feel scary and exciting are in fact absolutely safe.

So that leaves cruising down the lazy river.  The inner tube sounds more comfortable and relaxing, but much harder to control the navigation.  So I guess the canoe is the best option for me.

I’m in my canoe by myself for the time being on a river I’ve never experienced, and it’s cloaked in thick, early morning fog.  I’ve spent some of my trip flowing smoothly, admiring the scenery and enjoying the characters I’ve met along the way.  I’ve also been waylaid by submerged logs, stuck on sandbars where I had to dig in and use all my strength to strain to pull my boat to deeper water.  It’s been an exhilarating journey, with times of loneliness, struggle and doubt.

With the current fog, it’s hard to tell where I am, where to paddle, and where the dangers lie.  Sometimes it feels like I’m moving backwards, and other times that I must be paddling upstream because I’m wearing out and not making much progress.  Just pulling in the oars doesn’t feel like the best option, but I’m not ready to swim to shore, either.

If you’re on this river with me, could you shout out?  Maybe if we continue to call back and forth to each other, we’ll find our way back to blue skies.  I’ll be listening for you!